| ohohoh |
[Aug. 8th, 2007|08:19 pm]
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OHHHHHHH i forgot to add.
did anyone else notice how much grausigkeit (ja my super modded doc u) looks like yu-ki from malice mizer?
the beast of blood video in paticular...
i need to get him a suit..... |
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| XD |
[Jul. 11th, 2007|02:01 pm]
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| [ | Stage |
| | chipper | ] |
| [ | Disease |
| | kozi- honey vanity | ] | well...id stop wearing spaghetti straps and low cut things...ok so i wouldnt.
because right now i am a girl. right now theres not much i can do about it.
and right now its not about my chest. its about my fashion XDor lack there of
i have a chest. im a 34 a to be exact, i have a chest adn i will until a bit before halloween i suspect. so i dont see any reason to hide currently. the people who read my lj and my close friends are the ones who know im transgendered. i dont want the whole world to know i am .
oh and ew. baggy shirt and shorts? please darling im way too pretty for that. and vain.
i wear now what ill wear as a guy. i know the issues it brings up and i know the world doesnt work that way. i dont care though because im doing what i feel is right for me.
i dont need your approval to know that im doing the right thing.
i sure as hell dont need it to be happy about life.
i am however going to say thank you for having the balls to post with your lj screen name. i deleted your comment because i took the advice adn looked at it from a non biased point. but its not whats right for me.
im sorry that i dont fit in with the norm but alot of us dont ... ill always stick out and be an attention grabber, male or female, my gender shouldnt matter.
the only reason ipost it on here is to let my good friends know how my life is going, its not meant for you or anyone else.
over all i think im maturing because that sort of comment would normally piss me off...but ya know, i respect your honesty and your opinion, and i hope you respect that im doing the best I CAN with the cards that IM DEALT. |
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| pride bitches. |
[Jul. 11th, 2007|07:08 am]
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i was going to edit these adn fix my skin and the sort but i realized ya know...im not perfect i shouldnt try to be al the time.
these pics are dedicated to all of you who tried to tear me down. all of you who hate me because your told to. i love myself more than you hate me.
~~
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| >_<; |
[Jul. 7th, 2007|09:51 pm]
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| [ | Stage |
| | discontent | ] | im so iritated with life right now.
my criminal record may prevent me from going to japan. if it will DONT SAY ANYTHING please.
my parents keep degrading me.
i really want to shoot someone.
too bad its illegal
hopefully going to megs will help me clear some of this up -_- |
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| An Unusual Post. |
[Feb. 23rd, 2007|02:23 pm]
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The night before last i vasstartled back into my much hated reality. i cam home and found quinn in zhe bathtub. normally i vouldnt so much zhink twce about zhis... he had veed..und zhat is nozhing new, und it didnt bozher me.... but i soon realized he vas bleeding.. i..... he had been......
i dont understand how he zhinks zhat he is such a burden on me... how he zhinks zhat he makes zhings vorse on me...if it verent for him i vould be locked down in Musikants basement... i vould be just as cold und heartless as Musikant vants me to be.
He vorries zhat i dont vant to take on all of his problems...zhat i shouldnt have to...i VANT to. i...i vant to help him...even if i cant i vant to be near him vhen he cant deal vith zhings. As veak as i am...i vant to be his everyzhing....even if it means risking my life.
Last night ve vent to a resturant, it vas lovely....very much like home.... und everyzhing he did..each little smile....each vord he spoke entranced me... i cant help but fall more in love vith him everyday....
Zhings arent entirely that simple.....
Belle is trying to find me again.....he found Grausigkeit... Its only a mtter of time before he finds me.... i vish i could tell Quinn....
On a side note.. ve toook in a kind.....*rolls eyes* kinder...*scoff* i really dislike kinder.... But...i cant tell him no....even as much as i dislike sharing my bed vith zhat little rat, pIlot...und now zhat kind... i know it is vhat he vants..und it bozhers me less knowing zhat.... he mentioned me being zhe vater..i....im not sure if i like zhe sound of zhat or not.... im...far too young to be a vater.... und as much as it pains my pride to say zhis...Im confused. i dont know vhat to do anymore.i cant keep tleling quinn zhat i love him and need him vhen he doesnt seem to belive me...und i cant seem to keep control of my senses long enough to tell him....*looks up...sees musikant*
Until later
~Destillat |
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| OMGGGGGGGGGGG ok. oooookkkkk. |
[Feb. 14th, 2007|09:31 am]
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| [ | Stage |
| | anxious | ] |
| [ | Disease |
| | an cafe | ] | IM GETTING A YO! *SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE* im paying off a yo-sd swd anne.............*fanboys* she is the cutest thing ever ever ever and im super excited, can you tell? i will hopefully have her by my brthday next month anyone have any name ideas? OH im modding her to be a boy because i simply refuse to have a girl doll..... but that begs the question, if i mod her will she be a piccolo? or an anne boy? celebare said an anne boy, ii think she may be right.. heres a pic from the lady who im buying her from

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| Friends Only |
[Dec. 8th, 2006|01:42 pm]
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Im changing my journal to friends only. deal with it. if you care enough to read, then comment this and ill add you.
 |
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| Every once in a while.... |
[Oct. 14th, 2006|04:30 am]
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| [ | Area |
| | A hole in my head | ] |
| [ | Stage |
| | Knock me Dead | ] |
| [ | Disease |
| | The Cure- lovesong, cut here | ] |
Every once in a while something catches my heartstrings.
It makes me remember the home ive never seen before.
It reminds me of the things ill never have.
someday.
someday...
I cant place these words properly. I cant explain to you what it is i see in my mind, what i feel in my heart.
That summer bled me dry.
Its such a hollow tone, the sound it makes in the bottom of my heart. Like a low reverberating thud. I know its not really there, but i can dream cant i?
So what do i do now?
Where do i go from here.....
~~
Im not perfect you know.
I still feel his lips.
I cant erase all of this.
Im not god you know...
I can still hear his words.
I refuse to let him slip away.
~~
Something horrid, life altering, heart shakingly horrible is going to happen.
~~
I doubt any of you understand what i write. not in its entirety.
I cant honestly ask for that of anyone.
~~
So i love him still.
After all of this, the time inside that perfect place i created for he and i, after he denied me my heart... i love him still.
I hope it snows.
~~
I doubt i have a heart left to break.... but i can still remember the feeling.
~~
Ive got no reason for living.
No holy spirit to look forwards to.
Ive got no love to bind me
No dreams to hold me
No life left to live.
Ive not a single reason to live
But i can think of thousands to die.
~~
My whole world is shattering, falling in pieces around my feet.
I cant keep a firm grasp on this reality...
My dreams seem so much safer.
So much more sane.
~~
My dreams are dying, the stars shining out around my head.
I cant keep my vision clear...
And i cant feel your heartbeat against mine.
Ive lost nothing, and gained nothing in return.
~~
I wish you were here with me now.
~~
Its december all over again.
~~
I miss the way i used to feel.....
~~
I am.
I AM....
Abandoned.
Hidden.
Homeless.
Scared.
Simply....
Misery.
~~
I cant remember what its like to be happy....to honestly have not a care in the whole filthy world...
I cant remember not crying.
I guess he really has been gone that long.
~~
I wonder where ill break at...
what small thing will tear me into the unfixable pieces that i am destined to be.
I wonder who will to be blamed for my death?
"another tragic teen suicide"
its not the label i want to have.
I hope they all are to blame....
~~
Maybe its only me.
~~
He was the only one who made me feel at home...like i was...whole.
~~
My heartbreak affects no one other than myself....
I want the world to turn to grey.
I want them all to know the misery i am.
The tragedy i spawn from every life i touch.
I want them to all know....
What kills me slowly.
I want it to kill them too....
~~Kaza
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| A post a post a POST a REAL post!! |
[Oct. 13th, 2006|05:59 am]
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ok so its FUCKING COLD AS HELL OUT.
goddamn!
anyways. so yeah.
i love pumpkins. alot.
and vomiting down peoples throats.
has it snowed anywhere other than here in ohio and michigan?
yeah im being stupid and random.
RAWR!
i found a place that has pumpkin pancakes...im intrigued..
not enough to try them though......
weve gotten so many signs from stores...
a cambells soup sale sign from target... a CHIPS isle sign from walmart.... letters from a church sign...
i also got a trashie can. its a ghostie. yes ie. ie ie ie ie ie ie ie ie.
i stuck the lid on my head...>.>
oh. i found....no my whale of a cellulite dinosaur mother found them, socks. in walmart...they say love cat
we also got me some pumpkin socks. HUGE FLOOFY SOCKS OF DOOM. they are fuzzy monstery black and white striped ones with light up pumpkins.....
i want a dead person.
with a bow.
a big black one. .........
so ive come to realize something.....
dun dun dun... *dramatic music*
i HATE.....yes ABSOLUTLY ABHOR.....
~ ~ ~ ~ pepsi mold. (ok all soda mold in general)
it smells really bad.
das ich is so amazing...his voice...GAH...orgasmic.
ok so i think.....nevermind... no its not.
BYE!!
JA NE
OYASUMI
SAYONARA!!
yeah whatever fuck you. >.> |
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