| Times change...and sadly, so do people. |
[Oct. 2nd, 2006|10:45 pm] |
For fear of going blind, ill keep my eyes tightly shut.
~~
Within moments of waking, of seeing the new day..he knew. he could taste it in his mouth. the taste was so bitter, so sharp that it bit through the stale ciggarettes that he normally swallowed down in the morning.
The trip there would break small parts of him. not so much the drive, but the time, the overthinking.
He never wanted to wake. nightmares and all..he just wanted to stay asleep..dreaming..safe.
Everyone there had changed..theyd all lost what made him love them.
They werent people anyomre..they were puppets. just like all the rest.
With a sick realization, he now knew, that place was not a home to him anymore. home, like love and so many other things, was a century old dream, home was only a word, a plaque over a kitchen door. that place, his once so warm home, was now a graveyard for the beautiful souls he once loved.
In one way or ten, it hurt him. to know that no matter how far he drove, no matter the things he saw, the people he met, none of it, the ones he used to know nor his home, would ever be replaced.
It was, in all truths, his turn to die. to choose wether or not he would destroy the things that made him better than everyone else, or be alone the rest of his life, an outcast in the world of mechanical puppets.
Night after night he tossed, turned and screamed in his sleep, waking to a tear soaked pillow. phantasmagoria of his lovers,his friends and ill fated family.
Simply one thing stood out in his life. to him and to everyone else. he was completely alone. in life, love and mind he was nothing more than a pitiful soul left to die. he chose to keep himself whole, to retain the beauty, the knowledge that set him apart from the lackluster faces in the crowd.
He thought it over a million times, rolled the ideas aruond and let them collect dust over a year or five. or maybe it wasnt that long at all...it could have been only a few hours, but that didnt matter, in his mind time had no place. The thought of periodic death, instant death...of long drawn out suffering and short term pain. oh so many choices...and only one chance to do it right.
His fingertips found their way to a rusted razor, tapping it on the floor, swilring it and making it dance over his skin, leaving small red welts in its wake. he wasnt sure if it felt right...the blade on his skin...
Thoughts ran fast, back to his home..his losses. the razor clinged onto the floor, a noise he didnt notice in the slightest.
A few days passed and a new idea was already blossimig inside his ever wearily fading mind.
He swallowed one, the taste making him shut his eyes. each small pill, picked out for each of the hearts he left behind, each soul that died in his parting. One after another, they slid down his throat, slowly starting to poison him. the only thing he could think of was...no it wasnt home, it was of how everything seemed so grey..so dull. his vision tepidly went, the colors fading, washing out into grey. everything. all grey.
It would be 2 weeks before anyone found his body, lying on the kitchen floor, a dried up pool of blood around his smirking lips. 2 weeks for anyone to notice that the beautiful creature had died in his own happiness...his own solitude. But he proved his point. Home. It meant nothing... home meant nothing so long as you have a way to escape...friends and hearts are so easily broken, as is the spirit, the will to fight. His point, he died to prove, was that everyone, no matter the age, the race, name or stability, is bound to have a broken heart, a forggoten home. everyone, dies eventually. |
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candy_striped36's journal
chipper
discontent
Starless
anxious
A flickering light, stability
LOOPIES!!